Black Teardrops
by Mew Mew Author Cutie
Summary: Pink is dead. Pink is dead and it's all Yellow's fault. Yellow Diamond's initial reaction to the news of Pink's death.


_**Howdy! I rewatched CYM and it really made me think back to the Diamonds' initial reaction to Pink's death. We know exactly what went through Blue's head. She probably just cried forever, and that's BORRRIIIIIIING to write about. So why not write about Yellow's feelings? Enjoy!~**_

* * *

"Pearl, would you cancel, say, everything I've got for the next two hours?"

"Of course, my Diamond."

Yellow nodded slightly in thanks. She wouldn't normally thank a servant, but the simple, routine action of clearing her schedule suddenly felt like the Pearl had spared her from seemingly infinite torture.

The Pearl opened the door for her diamond, and sprung back to her heels, trying to follow her in.

"I'd prefer you wait outside the door."

"Sure thing, my Diamond!" As her Diamond walked into her private chambers, the Pearl silently huffed. What was so important that the luminous Yellow Diamond needed complete solitude? Surely, she could use her help. But still, she stood with her hands together, looking pretty and patient, listening closely for anything. Something was off about her, suddenly, after an emergency meeting. She spoke and walked quicker than usual. Only her Pearl would ever bother to notice her rapidly blinking eyes, her heavy breaths. Something was urgent, and Pearl could only wonder what.

Yellow, though, was quite oblivious to her Pearl's curiosity, as usual. It felt strange being completely alone for the first time in White knows how long. The room just felt depressing and empty. An overwhelming sense of hatred was quickly enveloping her mind. Hatred for herself, hatred for Rose Quartz. She took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. She didn't want to close her eyes; every time she did, she saw pink. The outline of shards.

You deserve to suffer.

She couldn't help but agree with the thoughts whirring through her head. She had given in and gave that worthless little planet to Pink. Because of this, the actions of the Rose Quartz created there were her fault, too. She deserved this splitting headache; she deserved the strange feeling she couldn't shake. A combination of sadness, hopelessness, anger, regret, which combined to create... nothing. It was her responsibility to deal with the grief she had caused Blue. But feeling sorry for herself and others didn't leave much time for what really mattered.

She slowly made her way to the throne in the corner of the room and pulled up a screen. Her considerate Pearl had cleared more schedule than she was instructed to, unless there was nothing in those spots at all. She couldn't tell. She had been feeling like a worthless slacker for a while now. Either way, she was now in the process of wasting five hours. Five hours she didn't have to waste in the eternity of work she'd have to complete. She honestly didn't feel like it was the best time to go crawling to Blue, and she knew that White would only give her a pasive-aggressive lecture for two minutes and send her on her way. She couldn't let White know, of all gems, about any free time she might have, anyway. She knew she shouldn't attempt to type out new orders when she could barely think straight. She was out of options. She regretted it now, wishing she could be on a call with her Nephrites right now. Something else to think about.

She let out a little annoyed groan, trying to massage away the pain in her head. It wouldn't work anyway, but she didn't know what else to do. She felt already like she was losing her mind, idling at such an important time. White would surely give her a piece of her mind if she ever found out about this, if she was even wiling to speak to her anymore. If Yellow could choose, she wouldn't want to listen to her own excuses, nonetheless spout them out to her harsh superior.

Unfortunately, without the normal distraction, she couldn't think about anything but the words that she had heard shortly before now.

"My Diamonds, Pink Diamond... has been shattered by Rose Quartz."

She stared down at her feet, her breathing going funny despite her best efforts to stay calm. The words echoed in her head like cave walls. Her vision blurred. She hugged herself tightly in an unsuccessful attempt to get rid of this horrible feeling. She felt like she was going to lose consciousness. She glanced over at the bed she almost never had reason or time to use. Although they didn't need them, each diamond had one, for when they wanted to relax.

Relax.

She wrapped herself up in her ginormous comforter, poking her arms out to arrange the pillows in a way she liked. Her preference had changed every time she used it, strangely enough. She stared at the golden canopy above her.

She yearned for Blue's soft touch, or the concerned voice of one of her soldiers. Suddenly, this almost-empty room felt like an isolation unit. The isolation units were used to hold gems scheduled for imminent execution. They held caught rebels until they would cough up the information that Homeworld needed. In that moment, Yellow stopped enjoying the solitude. Even knowing her Pearl was waiting for her outside of the door, she felt completely alone in the universe. The sheer loneliness alone was emotionally overwhelming, made worse by the constantly reoccurring realization that Pink was really gone. There wasn't a single being that understood her pain, not even her. She'd done something unspeakable. By giving in to Pink's demands, she had killed her. She deserved the same fate.

She rolled onto her belly, burying her face in the pillow. Thick tears mingled with her eyeliner, creating black droplets that dripped from her eyes as she began to sob, the noise muffled by the pillow.

Meanwhile, Pearl's brain was racked with confusion. Not once had something been intense enough to reduce her diamond to a weeping mess. The pressure of the war must be getting to her. It was her only idea as to why her lustrous diamond was so upset. She lowered her head, thinking she might as well pretend she knows what's going on if someone happened to show up. Her heart sank when she heard her diamond's distraught voice. "Pearl, please go elsewhere. A-anywhere else..."

Despite it just being a Pearl, Yellow felt highly uncomfortable, wondering if she could hear her. Nobody needed to know she was crying, not even someone whose speech she could restrict. This rivaled the newsworthiness of Pink's death. It'd spread like a wildfire, garnering sympathy she didn't have the time or the heart to take. It was best for everyone if she kept it hidden away.

"Y-yes, my Diamond..." The Pearl walked down the long corridor leading to Yellow's private room, waiting at the edge. A Pearl walking around unattended would surely be punished, whether told to or not. She felt slightly relieved that she was no longer able to hear her diamond's pitiful sobbing, but nonetheless held deep sympathy for her.

"Oh Pink, oh Pink, no, no, no..." She held the pillow quite tightly from below, wishing it was her little Pink, the ray of sunshine she didn't know she loved until it was gone. If for one last time she could see her, she'd hold her and tell her everything she loved about her. But it would never happen, and she knew it very well. She'd wasted the thousands of chances she'd had to tell her she loved her. She could imagine the young diamond activating the door without knocking, and running to her aid and telling her it'd be okay, even though she would have no idea what was troubling her. But the door never opened. Nobody came to check why she had suddenly canceled some potentially important meetings, or how she was taking the news.

The only shoulder she knew would always be there to cry on was her own, not that she deserved any other.

At least she had her pillows, so she cried into them instead. It seemed like forever before someone softly knocked at her door. "Yellow? A-are you okay? Your Pearl told me that you have been crying..."

Great. So she had heard. "I-I'm fine."

"Then I am sure you will not mind me coming in."

Yellow heard the door open, and the footsteps of whoever it was who had bothered to check on her. She didn't have the energy to place who was speaking, until she felt the mattress shift. The intruder laid their huge hand on the back of her neck.

Blue.

"Yellow, if you are crying, you are not fine. I've known you long enough to understand this."

"I came here to be alone, Blue... I don't appreciate you assuming it's just okay to come in whenever."

"Of course you don't, but I think you need someone, don't you? It must be awfully lonely in here, with your poor Pearl all the way down the hall. She is awfully worried about you." Blue played with Yellow's now messy hair until she finally shifted onto her side and looked up at her, black indicating the path of her tears.

Blue had definitely allowed herself a period of mourning. Violet bags had appeared under eyes. "I-I don't w-want to be a-alone anymore, B-blue..." Yellow wept. "I-it's so lonely h-here without our Pink..."

"Y-yes, it truly is..." Blue draped one arm over Yellow, the other stroking her hair as she uncontrollably sobbed into her arms. "There Yellow, let it all out of your system, I will not judge." She rubbed comforting circles into her weeping friend's back.

"I-I was so c-cruel to her and- and I can never tell her how s-sorry I am!" Yellow wailed in between sobs. "I should have d-done more, I-I could have... I could have protected h-her..."

"Oh Yellow, there was nothing more any of us could have done to stop what happened. I am sure she would have forgiven you." Yellow's body tensed, and Blue could feel it. "Oh darling, what is it?"

She lifted her head from her arms, her sobs no longer muffled and her eyes huge and desperate. "But... h-how do I f-forgive m-myself?"

"That is not a question I can answer for you. You must simply wait until the time comes where you are able to do so. I will surely be here to dry your tears until that happens, okay?"

"I-I just want our pink back s-so much!" She wailed.

"So do I..." Blue shed silent tears as she hugged Yellow from behind.

Soon enough, Yellow's Pearl's voice protruded through the door.

"My Diamonds, Yellow Diamond has a video meeting that should begin in about five minutes."

"O-oh, we understand..." Blue mumbled. "Thank you, Pearl."

"No problem, Blue Diamond."

Yellow took deep breaths, trying her best to calm herself down. Blue let go of her, and stood. "Will you be alright now?"

"I... suppose I will have to be."

"We can surely cancel if you need more time."

"No, I don't think I can afford to waste anymore time crying over something I can't help."

"It isn't a waste of time Yellow, it is good for..." Blue stopped mid-sentence, knowing it wouldn't penetrate. Yellow was once again in Diamond Mode, and now there was no bringing her out of it. She held her hand up as a silent goodbye as she exited the room.

Yellow returned to her throne and used her magic to rid herself of the black trailing down her face before pulling up a screen and answering the waiting call.

Her soldier saluted her before speaking. "If you will allow me to go off-topic to begin, my Diamond, I must offer my deepest apologies about Pink Diamond."

"Thank you, I will manage." Yellow kept her cold, neutral expression as the soldier began to deliver battle reports.

This was unbearable and she'd have to deal with it for thousands of years.

* * *

_**I like writing about the suffer-in-silence types, isn't it fun and depressing? -w- Please review because I like reviews. Criticism is allowed and encouraged. Thanks for reading! The next one I plan to publish should be quite a bit happier, if everything goes right with it. Sayonara!~**_


End file.
